Two poems on spring

It is not enough that yearly, down this hill,
April
Comes like an idiot, babbling and strewing flowers.
~Edna St. Vincent Millay

Depression feels like the same day over and over
lying down in the dark, waking in the dark

Everything grey like mid-winter
like piles of dirty snow
and the clank of radiators.

But then March comes
and you start to notice the small differences
between one day and the next:

Today the sun set a bit later.
Today your hair needed a wash.
Today the birds were singing louder.
Today your back hurt less, but your knees more.

And sometimes even the differences feel so heavy.
But then there are the moments when, suddenly

Joy comes briefly
unannounced
and dancing.

~from my book, Blessings for the Long Night

open things  
and finally after the storms
and the long nights
and the locked doors
and the well-trodden paths
and the mourning like doves
and the bitter longing  

after all of that it turns out
that life is full of open things
beautiful and spacious
ready for the asking
and the taking  

why did i wait? for so long
wanting only what was
closed to me?

~from my book, Open Things

For those of you who read my last essay, Good Choices, an update: My appointment to get an Adderall prescription has been postponed till June, and insurance may no longer cover my Zepbound prescription starting in July. As the saying goes, man makes plans and God (and the US medical system) laughs. But isn't life always that way – two steps forward and, if you're lucky, only one step back? The important thing is to keep moving. Even if you need to fall apart first, and vent to your mom, and boyfriend, and the 896 people who subscribe to your newsletter.

Good choices

“You didn’t make good choices. You had good choices.” ~Little Fires Everywhere Note: This is not a pro-GLP-1 or pro-weightloss account. I share my own experiences in order to provide one perspective, knowing that your experience, needs, and body are different from mine. I’m not here to influence, I’m here

Jessica KantrowitzJessica Kantrowitz

***GIVEAWAY!!!***

In better news, tomorrow is my birthday and it's going to be in the 70s here in Massachusetts! In honor of my birthday, I'm giving away two signed copies of 365 Days of Peace. To enter, make sure you are subscribed (free or paid subscription) and leave a comment on this post that you'd like a book! (Sadly I can only ship to the US because of shipping fees.) I will choose two winners randomly by the end of the day tomorrow, May 5th.

As always, all my posts are free and open to the public, but if you would like to support my work there are paid subscriptions available, at poem-inspired tiers.